I still remember on 18/2/06.its about 0630am. I felt as though I wanna go toilet. I went but nothing came out..I went back to the bed. But I just can’t sleep. So I started to walk around when I heard my appa asked why you are walking around. I told him it’s nothing its just that I cant sleep...he said ok.
Till 7.15 am I was looking at the time and I started to check how many times once I got the pain....I told my amma that I’m having pain and in a second my appa & amma got ready to bring me to hospital...my hubby is not with me coz he went to his parents house. I called him and told him that I’m going to hospital and he doesn’t take it seriously...
At the hospital at 8pm, the nurse actually put this medicine for me to go toilet. Which I did and once I’m out of the toilet, my water bag burst....I was like what’s going on actually...I was scare though. The nurse bring me to the bed and ask me to wait. So I waited.
After that, there are few doctors who came and start to check, ask questions. To be frank I don’t fell anything at this moment. Around 10am, I ask them to put this medicine (which I cant remember the name) It suppose to ease me and I should not have any pain.
Unfortunately I was in pain. At 11am it open 3cm and by the time it reaches 130pm it open till 10cm. SO the doctor asked me to start pushing. When I was there in the room, the only things that run in my head was…how will she look like? Will she love me? What’s the future hold for her? Can I be good mom to her? Can I be her best friend? So many questions running in my head. At the same time I was singing my prayers song and waiting for the moment.
I can feel my baby head is down there. I can hear her asking me to release her from my womb. I can feel her…I want to see her so I was wearing my spec. I want to see her with the blood cover her….And finally around 3pm I pushed out. I felt her body coming out of me. At that moment I was the proudest mom in this world. I realized my mom is the best. I mean all the mom is the best. I realized how painful my mom went thru when she deliver us.
The doctor ask me if I want to know what baby…and I told him it’s a baby gal. The doctor was playing with me. He told me it’s a baby boy. I said NO NO NO. And yes. I delivered a baby gal…she looks so sweet, fair and looks like me. She was small. Only 2.5kg.
They showed to me my baby was covered with blood…my blood. She is the prettiest gal ever I have seen. They bring her to bath her. And came the 2nd suffer. They stitched that area. And this time it was so painful. But that pain doesn’t matter at all. Because of my baby.
After a while the nurse brings her to me. Ask me to give milk. The nurse guide me how to breastfeed her. I touched her, hold her small body, smell her, feel her. She looked at me when I touched her. I was scare when I hold her. She is fragile to me. I was scare that I might hurt her if I holdd her tide. She looked at me. Will she know me? Will she know I am her mother? I sang her the holy manthra.
When they want to bring me to the ward I realized my hubby was not there. I was sad and I cried. My parents was there. I asked them if they see her. They said yes. They saw her when they want to bring her for bath. My mom told me that’s how I looked when I was baby.
She was so quite, she smiled at me. She didn’t trouble me at all. She was sleeping. I saw her sleeping. She is so pretty…She is my life..She is everything for me……I love her more than anything else in this world………………..
She is my baby RASVENA….
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